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Something Stirs on the Horizon--- Scrolling Text on Website Updated --- Scientists Create New Pillow Allowing Canadians to be More Lethargic Than Ever Before --- Pizza Hut Creates New Pizza flavoured Pizza --- North Korea Still the Best Joke Ever Told --- Rob Livingstone Nominated for Nobel Prize --- Student Newspaper Creates Theatrical Trailer ---

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Experts Recommended New, Upgraded P300x

RHODE ISLAND- After 48 years of perfection, Tony Horton is finally releasing his newest product: Power 300 Extreme, or P300X. The program began development when Horton met King Leonidas, ruler of Sparta.

"The P300X is the best exercise available on the market that won't kill you. Well, there's a 85% chance that you'll shred your lungs trying to complete the exercises, but if you do complete them, hot damn." exclaimed fitness guru Tony Horton.

"P300X consists of 300 days of unique work outs using a variety of equipment. For example, on day five you have to climb up a wall of bodies that you killed and stacked on day four. If you survive until the end and you're not pleased with the results, I'll gladly visit you and kick your ass, you sorry scumbag."

"GYYAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGHH!" added Leonidas.

"The P300X will craft your body like a Spartan warrior, providing chiseled legs, raw abs and an avoidance for clothing." said Tony Horton.

"Tonight, dine on post-exercise drinks!" cheered Leonidas.

Reviews have been very positive so far. Three of out five reviewers recommended the program. The other two were killed in combat. 

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