"Up until today, simply anyone has been able to cross into our university. As of now, we are requiring proof of ID and stringent checks." said UPEI President, Wade MacLauchlan.
"We cannot cut and run anymore, we've decided to unleash the big guns, final examinations."
Numerous students are decrying the preemptive use of exams as 'horrid' and 'in violation of international legislation'. Professors have responded by saying that the students who complain of such violations are poli-sci students; these receive essays instead of final examinations anyways.
"I was in the library one day and I heard this shaking, I knew something was happening" described one helpless first year.
"I saw a bio major reading his textbook shortly after, I'm pretty sure his head exploded, it was horrifying. Then I saw a girl and she was saying 'the ideal gas constant is 8.314 joules per mole kelvin' over and over again."
"There will be casualties on both sides." said UPEI Vice-President, Richard Cheney.
"But we must fight on and remember who these students are, they hate us for our freedom."
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