Students Still Struggling With Hook-up Know-How; Clock Remains Best Hook-up Spot

CHARLOTTETOWN- A recent study has unveiled a serious lack of hook-up knowledge on UPEI. The survey questioned students about their favourite spot to hook-up. While numerous students consider themselves to be experts, few have shown promise.

"We were saddened when we found out that no students had mentioned the top of the clock as the best hook-up spot" said a visibly disturbed Rob Schneider, PEI's leading relationship guru.

"When two students are very fond of each other and desire to take the next step in their relationship, it shouldn't be a step towards the basement of a basementless building. It should be toward the top of the clock!"

Not all hope is lost for students hoping to get their mack on. Some, such as Sarah Williams, recognize the importance of on-clock makeout sessions.

"When you see someone climbing the clock with a special friend, you know that they have a well-stocked refrigerator" said Williams.

"The tradition of getting one's freak on at the clock has been around since we received the clock, like, forever ago." said relationologist Jonathan Botswan, "Well, it feels like forever if you've been there as much as I have."

Though the clock has only been on campus for a short period of time, it received the attention of students during the infamous Betty/Jerry fiasco.

"It's sad that students don't know enough about the clock. I'm actually starting my own clock information session." reported Botswan, "I'm always available for meeting for an education session about the clock. You bring the ladder, I'll bring the sexy"