Elderly Grandmother Declares Dominion Over Mall and All Contained Sales

CHARLOTTETOWN- Yesterday, an elderly woman declared herself the rightful heir of all sales and items found within the mall. 72-year-old Edith Miller, a grandmother of 12, mercilessly fought her way into command over the mall. Miller released this statement following her coup: "Little Timmy loves his sweatpants and you can buy one AND GET THE SECOND FREE!"

While the elderly woman appears frail, her 7th dan black belt in Hapkido, a popular Korean martial art, has greatly aided her takeover. "I thought she was just an elderly woman until I saw her argue with a biker over a discounted snow globe. She ripped his jaw right off! It was crazy!" said Jennifer Callbeck. "Then she gave Julia a toonie. She seems like such a pleasant lady."

Miller's coup de mall began when a teenager disputed rights to a pair of socks, escalating to the breaking point once the teenager accidentally knocked over Miller's walker. It was at this point when bystanders say, "shit hit the fan."

While Miller has enforced an iron fist rule over the sales in the mall, she has reportedly also provided numerous children with freshly knitted mittens. "Well, I don't want them to have cold fingers."