World to End on December 31st 2009

CHARLOTTETOWN- Panic has struck the world with the realization that the end of the world is coming on the 31st of December. Researchers report that the date of 12/31/09 coincides with the end of the Western Calendar.

"Well, of course it's going to be the end of the world." said specialist Dave Whittaker. "There's really no bones about it, the Western Calendar ends on the 31st of December and from this we can expect the Battle of Armageddon to take place."

The Western Calender has been in use since the time of Julius Caesar, a man who did a lot of important things and was eventually killed.

"This may be some type of Roman curse, you know, ending the world immediately following Christmas" said Whittaker. "I won't get to play with my new Mastercraft drill, all because of a murder plot. Damn you Brutus! Damn you Cassius!"

"There'll probably be explosions and shit," said Dr. Marget Kissinger, a local expert, "maybe a few montages as homes are destroyed, and probably something really ironic too, like a glacier catching fire. The thing is that it's shocking. You look at the calendar, fully expecting to see January and bam, it's not there."

Some have pointed out that Armageddon is to be fully expected with the return of the Messiah, who was elected President late last year.